just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
