Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
