Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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