...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize