He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
