i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
