I'm drive I can fine osifer
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
