he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
