Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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