It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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