you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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