apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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