Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
