they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
