So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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