I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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