did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
