i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
nutella sex= disaster
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I think a kid would responsible me up
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
