god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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