Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
