You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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