I want to walk on stilts...naked
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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