the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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