u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
COCAINE IS GR8
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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