yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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