omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
