Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
