if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need moral support for this bender
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
