What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
