apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
