New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
