What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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