Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
