we're blogging at a bar
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
