This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize