I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
