I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
