If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
