you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
