We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize