Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
