what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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