remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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