sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
