I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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