he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There r osticjed everywhere
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
