so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
