can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
