I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
