make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
