i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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