She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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