You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
