no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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