I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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