After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
