its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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