im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
