There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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