ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
