I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
