PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
