so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
