on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
