Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
