wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
