Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
