you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
