so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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