I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My breasts were aching with rage.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Randomize