My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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