If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
