last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
