the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
