I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
