I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
