I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
