On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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