she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You had me at "let me see your balls"
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
