shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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